EM magazine ::Vol. 03 + Issue Fifteen

In a world where moral ambiguity appears more often than your neighborhood Starbucks, it is sometimes tough to see right from wrong and on a grander scheme love from hate. We have arrived at a time in our history where all the lines are blurred and no line is left uncrossed, what may have been right is now wrong, and what may have been wrong is now right. With this new cloud of uncertainty there are only questions that remain; India or Pakistan? Pepsi or Coke? Powell or Rumsfeld? French Fries or Freedom Fries? Male or She-Male? Britney or Christina? Clay or Ruben? These are all questions that tear at the very fabric of our existence and yet make us a divers and complex culture. Ok that may be a bit overstated by you get the point. In a time of such confusion one needs to be pointed in the right direction, a moral compass, a road map to what is sacred in this global community and what is, well, excrement. So without further ado, here is a simple guide for what to love in this world and what to hate.

Love James Brown because he is the Godfather of Soul.
Love Jean Cretien because he is the only world leader that takes an on issue by the throat - literally.
Love Krispy Kreme donuts because they taste like heaven in your mouth.
Love Muhammad Ali because he's still the greatest without saying a word.
Love JRR Tolkien because he gave us the Lord of the Rings.
Love Joni Mitchell because she wrote and sang from another place.
Love "Jackass" because they do things normal people only dream they were stupid enough to do.
Love Sting because he can do it for 8 hours straight.
Love Nelson Mandela because he is one of the few true heroes left.
Love fresh brownies and vanilla ice cream, because they go so well together.
Love your dentist because without him/her you would have really shitty teeth.
Love Lance Armstrong because he represents what is good in sports.
Love Charlie Rose because he makes any conversation interesting.
Love your cell phone because it's tough to remember the world before it.
Love the Slurpee because there is no better non-alcoholic beverage in the world.
Love Noam Chomsky because he has the vision and courage to tell it like it really is.
Love your PS2 because it will always give you something to do.
Love Sean Connery because he will always be James Bond.
Love "Dazed and Confused," because it is the best and most accurate 70's movie.
Love the summer.

Hate the circus because they are not very nice to the animals.
Hate the price of popcorn at the movies.
Hate the NRA because they can't put aside their own self-interest for the betterment of others.
Hate Celine Dion because she is so damn annoying.
Hate the boy bands because any talent they have is always drowned out by their attention to image.
Hate the Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands because it's just not right, and they know it.
Hate Gary Bettman because he irrevocably ruined the NHL for Canada.
Hate Pizza Hut because there is no sane reason to fill the crust of a cheese stuffed pizza with more cheese.
Hate the Tobacco industry because they amass unfathomable wealth by poisoning people, and they know it.
Hate the mainstream US media because they have become a PR firm for the government.
Hate reality TV because it does not resemble reality.
Hate the religious right because they speak of God, but act of Satan.
Hate Jerry Springer because it exemplifies trash TV.
Hate the WWE because they are one (small) step above pornography, and they know it.
Hate the Republicans because they care only about war and lowering taxes to help the wealthy.
Hate the Democrats because they have all become Republican lap dogs, except for Senator Robert Byrd.
Hate Jerry Bruckheimer because he has yet to meet a bad movie he will not make.
Hate Dr. Phil because he looks too much like that guy from the Larry Sanders Show.
Hate the 80s because it gave everyone bad hair.
Hate Rush Limbaugh because he is a loud-mouthed hypocrite.

There is love and there is hate, everything in between is irrelevant.