>> For various reasons, the subject of this article will be referred to as "Joshua". 
     Some parts of the interview have also been edited to keep the subject's    
     identity anonymous.

So you say you're a bad ass. When you and the boys go out drinking you always tell those stories about how much ruckus you stirred up "back in the days". But of course that was back in the days. You've matured way too much since then and have put those days behind you. Yeah right. Let's be honest here, 99 percent of you were never rebels. Being a bad ass to you was ditching school after 5th period. So whenever I meet someone who has to tell me about his war stories, I'm already rolling my eyes. The situation with Joshua was different however. First of all, he never brought up the subject first. He only talked about it after I pried into his life. Not only that, I had heard about Joshua before I even met him. How many of you out there were banned from going places after school was out? Been expelled in Jr. High? Been in a fight the first day in your new school, after being expelled from your old one? Told a person carrying a gun to "go ahead and shoot"? With a reckless résumé such as his, its no wonder that I had heard about Joshua before I ever met him.

Getting into a gang and involved in the life at an early age, Joshua definitely has a story or two to tell. The gang he was affiliated with got into so much heat, an LA news station eventually got into the thick of things and did a special investigation regarding one of the gang affiliated murders. This was tied to the eventual crack down that resulted in several of the gang heads being put behind bars. Most of them for life. It was at this point that Joshua was asked to take a major role in the gang and to take care of one of the imprisoned gangster's family. Realizing how deep he was getting into the lifestyle and of all the trouble he was always being exposed to, Joshua made a decision. He chose to step back and cut off all ties with his gang as well as the lifestyle. But aside from all the war stories, what makes him so interesting is his personality.

Standing at about 5 ‘10 to 5 ‘11, with a medium frame, Joshua is an average looking guy. Whatever mental picture you have of him is probably wrong. No piercings, no baggy clothes, and no tattoos (ok, maybe one). Joshua doesn't even really listen to rap! Instead, if you step into his car you'll notice punk cd's strewn here and there. Always the first to joke, he makes you feel comfortable and easy. One thing evident as soon as you get a conversation going with him is that he's a very genuine guy. No shucking and jiving. If anything, Joshua seems to be the opposite of a gangster. But then again he isn't one anymore. As I sit in his car and close the door I notice that his handle is loose. I pull the handle off to discover a hole concealed behind the plastic. I tell Joshua that he needs to get this fixed. He tells me that the hole is where he used to keep his gun. That's when it hits me that although Joshua may not be a gangster anymore, his past is certainly real.

The following interview was conducted after a few drinks at a local bar.

EM: So why did u get started in this whole gang business?
Joshua: Because I was not cool, and I wanted to be cool. I was a fuckin’ nerd, I was a fuckin’ skater and I was a wuss, ok? I didn't know anyone; I didn't even like Asian girls. I didn't even know anything about the Asian scene! I was a fuckin’ white boy, aight…But I knew this one Vietnamese fool, and we were tight and fuckin’, you know…I noticed that when we went to Jr. High, it was like everybody, all the girls were fuckin’ kickin' it with the gangsters. That's when the gangsters…gangs were getting in. This is back in fuckin’ ‘90,’ 91, ’92…that's when the Asian scene was comin’ in effect. I needed to make some friends; I wanted to make friends with some Asian fools right? So my friends like, "A lets get into this one gang, blah blah", and I heard so much stuff about them, like they were so cool, they did this, everyone's scared of them, blah blah blah blah. So I got jumped in.

EM: So one of the big reasons you wanted to get into a gang was to meet Asian people?
Joshua: To meet Asian people, and to be in with the Asian crowd. ‘Cause I didn't know anything about the Asian crowd…I grew up in Maryland. Baltimore, Maryland in the East Coast where there's all white folks, I thought I was white.

EM: So why didn't you just kick it with the white folks then?
Joshua: Because, that wasn't the cool thing! You know? You’re Asian, you know you're Asian but you're not white, so you ain’t gonna fit in with them. The cool thing was that if you're Asian, dude, you got to be in a gang!

EM: What did you have to do to get into the gang then?
Joshua: Gotta get jumped in for 30 seconds, so I got jumped in at fuckin’ an arcade which was like in the hood, so I got jumped in there, and from there…damn that's when everything fuckin’ changed.

EM: You know how [an LA News Station] had an investigation about your gang?
Joshua: Yeah

EM: What was that all about? Did you know those people?
Joshua: Hell yeah! Those were the fuckers that jumped me in!

EM: Is that right?
Joshua: No, but its different, you see them on the news, and you're like, "Oh, these guys are murderers, these guys are crazy!" but they're not. They're down to earth, they're cool. You know?

EM: But they just kill people on the side…
Joshua: Its ‘cause of the rival gang thing dude. They gotta show who's the top dog in [your neighborhood]. That was the main thing dude.

EM: Did they put you through some kind of killer training bootcamp?
Joshua: Naw! They weren't like that. They weren't like dicks where "You know what? You gotta drive by and shoot this muthafucker and that's your initiation." It wasn't even like that dude. You get jumped in, you're one of the homies. They would pick me up from my Jr. High when they lived in [this one city] and I lived in [a city about 30 minutes away] You know, they picked us up and [we would] go kick it at a party where there's fuckin girls, there's music, you know…in 8th grade when you don't know anything about the Asian scene or anything, oh this is fuckin dope! At school you think you're a big man on campus at school, people know who you are, girls giving you hugs, wanna walk you to your class, wanna write letters to you…

EM: ‘Cause you got into a gang?
Joshua: ‘Cause you got into a fuckin’ gang dude

EM: So what, word spreads around, and everybody thinks your cool just like that?
Joshua: Word spreads around, word spreads around. Bada bing, bada boom… But then you gotta live up to that shit. To keep your name up. So you gotta be kickin’ ass every fuckin’ week at least.

EM: So you feel pressure to get in a fight or get into some shit just to keep up your reputation?
Joshua: Yup yup, definitely. There's times when you know when this guy’s from this guys like, he's wearing dickies, he's wearing cortez, and you're at the mall and you're just chillin’ w/your homie that's not from a gang, but whatever your friend right…But you're pressured, you know? I gotta kick this guy's ass, even if you don't wanna fight. You feel like, "You know what? I gotta kick this fuckin’, guys ass".

EM: Even if you didn't know for sure he was in a gang? Even just because he was a chump?
Joshua: Yeah, yeah, but you get brain washed in a way. Cuz you have that hatred, where you wanna fuckin’ kill him. So you go see him at the mall, or you see him anywhere on the street…you fuck him up. That's the bottom line.

EM: Ok, you said that you were just a regular guy that one day got into a gang. So what happened there? You just automatically became a ruthless guy?
Joshua: Yeah, I became a fuckin’…became a fuckin’ like straight up fuckin’ don't give a fuck about anything! And I was a fuckin’ nerd. I think I'm a nerd now! But fuckin’ back then, I was a nerd. I didn't know anything.

EM: How'd you feel like when you first got jumped in then?
Joshua: I felt like, what the fuck am I doing? I don't belong here, I'm a fuckin’ nerd. You know? I don't even look "hard" you know? I don't look like anything…but it was a trip because you see all these girls that wanna kick it w/you and all these people are like "A wussup dog!" you know, "Hey wussup Joshua!"

EM: You mentioned that girls started treating you differently when you got into a gang. So tell me honestly, do you think girls have a lot to do with why people wanna get into gangs?
Joshua: Yup. Popularity I think. Your name comes up and people wanna hang out with you. People wanna be your friend.

EM: I see…what's the craziest shit you ever got into?
Joshua: Oh man…that's a hard one…that's going back into the days…I don't know man!

EM: Well you once told me that you feel like a cat, you got 9 lives. Why do you think that?
Joshua: Because I felt like I was invincible. I got guns pulled on me four times in my life during fuckin’ real serious situations, I got my house shot up so that makes it five alright? And that's all because people knew who I was, knew where I lived, and heard about, you know, blah blah blah blah blah.

EM: So did you even know all these people that did this?
Joshua: Naw, I didn't know these people. But I knew I fucked up a lot of their friends. One thing which I really regret in my life is fuckin’ up, beating up, a lot of fuckin’ people that were just like…you know?

EM: So eventually all these people…
Joshua: They came back. They came back.

Joshua believes in karma and is probably one of the big reasons why he stays away from his old tricks. If he did anything bad, it would always come back

EM: For real?

At this point we both realize our bladders are giving way

Joshua: I gotta piss.
EM: Me too.